TBH, Honesty + Self-Esteem

I was writing earlier in the morning, looking through, that the past to now, realising I've never had a good self-esteem.

To be honest (tbh), it makes me feel less proud of myself and what I do. There are others who try to encourage me now, but I'm always going to have less hope it will stick around. I'm really thankful for these people. They take the time to do that, even when I don't know their doing that. Surprises huh?

However, honestly I enjoy what I do. It feels like a defiance agaisnt my low self-esteem. It doesn't boost my confidence, but it helps to keep going with what I truly love to do, and what I would like to do.

It is true as they say that bad students get more attention than behaving ones.
Although, the first time I ever got praised, in sixth form, was an eye opener, because I felt shy and saying in my head "noooo", but actually from what I did, it felt good to still do what I do at the time, to now

I still to this day, don't know what drives me forward to do anything at most, but I get that little crack in my heart, and allow it to flourish, as much as it possibly can. I'm no motivator, wouldn't be at most. I would just like to share stories, or anything that may come to mind, just to be there to show the struggles, and triumphants of my time, that I get.

It shall be my birthday in 2days. I never like to say my age, but I say I'm in my twenties, but no way near 30s, no offence.

It shall be Bonfire Night too, and I'm behind on keeping a promise to showcase a Bonfire Night dedication.

I've not been getting good sleep, but either way, I'm not waking up just to get tea. I know there's something wrong with me, and my motivations are just gone.

I'll take the time to talk what is happening on the 5th Nov, otherwise I say I'm nervous, and I honestly feel like I've failed from last year. Not good. Although, I say I'm trying.

Sorry for the downer if you read this, it was just for my own good, beats crying over things in my mind. Needs to break free sort of thing.

Take care always,
xImmortalMindsx

To Be Honest...

...I'm about to cry today, again.

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I'm planning something new, that I've not done before. However, for the pasts days (seems longer), things haven't gone to plan. It does happen.

To see others, having the same 'thing(s)-not-going-to-plan', has changed the way I see work for myself. It is diverse.

An Explanation/The Example:

For the past days, I've been trying to plan a video. I'm going to be honest and say I would like to convert files, and allow them to be edited to form as a video.

I'm glad to say, it's another doll vid, and this time it's their faces being enhanced/styled (I'm proud of it).

However, things have been awful to use. And it feels like there's many to do. Just sitting there, at the desk, waiting for it to convert - featuring errors, to no errors - took my time up. It's not the first time this happened.

Health wise...not good at all.

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Health:

My health has been good so far (overall).

For these occasions, it takes too much time than needed, and it causes me to feel unwell. I don't feel ungrateful, but trying to do these things, and at the time I'm well, feels wasteful.

So, I'm truly trying to get past the feeling (crying). I'll keep, and try going with my plan(s).

I'm sorry for this post. Although, like inspiration goes (from others, and confidence, etc.), these are the times, to allow ourselves to grow (understanding).

Thank you, and take care,

Posting - Got to Get Through this - V Projects

** (Daniel Bedingfield relation...?), ha! Love it!