Calming Ones Self

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Today, I'm not in the best of shapes greatly. Mentally, my mind is not in a good place right now.

Story goes, it's not my fault, but I can't help anymore. I tried, now I'm left with worthlessness.

I feel this, because I feel like a fool. Taken for granted, when others are meant to help in thoughts situations. But no, so I feel torn.

I felt like doing a post, to express how calm I'm trying to be, day 1.

What has helped: 

- telling someone
May not be face-to-face, but it helped

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- save a draft
Whether be mail to send, text, notepad etc.

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- write
Diary, writing book, digital, etc. it helps to clear the mind.

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- post
Another format for readers, to my own self.

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+ meditation, walks, and many more.

I feel more settled, but not mentally balanced yet. I know there's nothing that I can do, but this time, feeling worthlessness is not my wrong doing, it was of other people (not you of course, **smile**).

So, I'll do whatever I can to feel better. All I have to think, is that there are helpers, and things that can and will help me. I feel settled with this. Sleep helps too.

Take care readers + viewers,
Posting V Projects

Mind Exhaustion

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I wanted to do this post, due to saying this in a previous blog post [link].

I recently got out, of mind exhaustion yesterday (11/09/2015, Fri).

A few days a go, I came up with design ideas.
After I got to the end, of finishing a design, I felt exhausted. But not bodily exhausted, mind exhausted.

I felt sluggish, hurting (head), and unable to think of, or continue to design more. It felt unusual to me.
I've heard of mind exhaustion, but I've not experienced it before I think.

My mind does feel clearer now (except from yesterday's post [link], still haven't come up with a solid solution), but I would say what helped is:

- relaxing
- stopped what I was doing
- making notes/drafts of what's next (before plan for next time)

As a budding designer I would say, coming up with ideas is a format, to make something work for yourself.

If it doesn't work, there's no reason to end, but back ups always help.

May you take care, and try not to over work your mind. It could be regrettable, from the work you try to accomplish. Take your time.

I am pleased with what I've done, but I'll not work THAT hard again.
Plus, for my health, it makes my mind mentally unstable. And for headaches (migraine)...I'd rather not go into it. However, it did start to pain me.

Take care for now,
Posting V Projects

The Cause Of My Depression

I've been holding off this post today, because it's a very personal subject for me to chat about.

The professionals of mental health helped me through the difficult times, that I couldn't mention to anyone.

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Story

So, within 2013 (I guess that's when it started) I wasn't feeling all too 'happy'.

Things that ran through my mind were:

1. I'm unemployed

2. I'm a burden to people I know

3. I keep doing my (personal) work, and it's not 'going anywhere'

And so on.

I thought about them everyday, every week to every month. It kept running over, and over in my head.

It got too much where, I planned to kill myself, 3 months before my birthday...a wonder, right?

I just felt worthless and my health was getting to me at the time too, because I couldn't do the work that I wanted to do. I saw everything at its worse.

I cried every night.

Realisation

Realising I was crying every  night, made me worry and I questioned, 'is this normal?'.

I've had sadness, but not THAT great sadness. I couldn't take the (amount of) crying anymore.

So, I found the little courage I had left to try to go to the doctors.

Before going there, I always thought:

1. I'd be a problem to be helped

2. I didn't know the extent of (severe) depression to be classed as a mental illness.

3. I remembered a documentary on BBC3 [link] and where a young person said this GP, didn't know anything about mental health.

I feared this.

However, I went, and explained my problem, it turns out they knew A LOT about it.

I was thankful.

There was questions, and after phone calls, visits to different places and counselling. Thankfully around my area.

Thankful again, I'm still here, doing a blog I'm getting into. Also, I've opened up to people more, which I'm super glad about.

It's a process to go through.

So, I would say to:

- take a chance and visit your doctor.

- use charities that help with mental health, they have helpful links, details and people to help you.

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The Doctor + The Help

It's all through willpower. If it's in there, they'll bring it out with you and your agreement. Truthfully.

I said 'yes', obviously with concerns, depression talking. And I write this blog, to you, today.

Give it a chance and always feel free to tell them anything of your concern. It's to benefit you, to make sure they're help best suits you.

It sounds daunting every time.

Feelings

I honestly can say I need help, as much as anyone who seeks it too.

I always have that problem, where I think that others need more help than myself. But it's myself that has to say, 'I need help, I have to seek it to help me'.

I'm stable at the moment. The days which are hard, are the days you have to master your own thoughts, and find your solutions.

Helpful Thoughts

There's always help, and I say that each and everyday.

If I need real big help, to the doctors I go.

If I need help now, I go online. I was recommended an NHS site - 'Big White Wall' [link]. It helps directly. 

Or you can share your thoughts, and 'like minded' people help you too.

If I need slight help and just want to chat, I use a mental health charity.

Other Note

Some may say it's 'selfish' and 'stupid' to want to kill yourself.

I found out what they meant, and I watched something that explained it. I don't remember the show, but it's a case of the 'aftermath', and what it does to others.

Apart from this, I see the mental illness part. If there's no help, then when will there be help?

There's a two way thought through saying this to people, to doing something for people.

Otherwise, I finish by saying:

- I have a mental illness

- I suffer from severe depression

- I am happy I got the help I needed

- and the help, I'm so thankful for is still allowing me to live today

Please seek 'help' if you feel there's something unusual with your emotions, or any concerns in general.

"You never know unless try".

Thank you.

Take care,

Posting V Projects