Illness Diary: Blogger Icon

For starters,...I couldn't find it.

So, I may be starting these like I should of ages a go. I'm in the dark "writing" this, and I just want to explain so much.

No glitz and glamour, maybe, but just a real talk.

We start with an ending of an email,

"I do hope to solve these issues one day, but for now, i would love people to listen, than assume what i can and should be doing. It doesn't help me at all."

I "wrote" this up at night, because greatly, I'm giving up on some people.

Kind that others would say are shallow. But right now, I'm saying "hi" to others in my shoes.

The ones that find it difficult every morning.
The ones who can't step foot out the door.
The ones who feel strange/"want an escape root" from people, etc., etc.

I'm truly surprised we may not be understood. So, I'm standing up and saying that, don't see me for what you do see, ask me "am I OK?".

As for myself nowadays, I see it best to tell the truth about me, than to overshadow it. My depression used to shadow the truth like, " people won't listen", "your worthless", etc. I've learnt through therapy, them voices are not real.

And hello, i have a mental illness.
This occurs in so many ages, that I'm surprised we may not be getting the correct care. Life can not wait, but others do have to wait on us.

I feel like I'm seen as meat, than a person, and yes, that can be correct...but we're not animals - we pet & look after animals. Haha.

I'm saying, I'll be telling the truth in these posts.

You may not see images, fancy text - my glitz and glamour - but loads of people, including myself try so much everyday...I shall share my stories, one step each time.

I'll try.

Take care,
xImmortalMindsx

Illness...

When people get ill, it scares me these days.

I don't want them to feel that way, but it happens. As I would have to say to myself.

The struggle and feeling sorry for them, and wanting to help them is difficult but I would want to them to feel like they have help on their side.

Just like how I suffer from illness, I find it best to give help back as much as I am possible to.

I know it can never be easy, but you may not know how a little help can make someone's day. Truly.

So, before anything, help the ones who need you the most. I surely hope I do too.

Take care,
Posting V Projects

The Cause Of My Depression

I've been holding off this post today, because it's a very personal subject for me to chat about.

The professionals of mental health helped me through the difficult times, that I couldn't mention to anyone.

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Story

So, within 2013 (I guess that's when it started) I wasn't feeling all too 'happy'.

Things that ran through my mind were:

1. I'm unemployed

2. I'm a burden to people I know

3. I keep doing my (personal) work, and it's not 'going anywhere'

And so on.

I thought about them everyday, every week to every month. It kept running over, and over in my head.

It got too much where, I planned to kill myself, 3 months before my birthday...a wonder, right?

I just felt worthless and my health was getting to me at the time too, because I couldn't do the work that I wanted to do. I saw everything at its worse.

I cried every night.

Realisation

Realising I was crying every  night, made me worry and I questioned, 'is this normal?'.

I've had sadness, but not THAT great sadness. I couldn't take the (amount of) crying anymore.

So, I found the little courage I had left to try to go to the doctors.

Before going there, I always thought:

1. I'd be a problem to be helped

2. I didn't know the extent of (severe) depression to be classed as a mental illness.

3. I remembered a documentary on BBC3 [link] and where a young person said this GP, didn't know anything about mental health.

I feared this.

However, I went, and explained my problem, it turns out they knew A LOT about it.

I was thankful.

There was questions, and after phone calls, visits to different places and counselling. Thankfully around my area.

Thankful again, I'm still here, doing a blog I'm getting into. Also, I've opened up to people more, which I'm super glad about.

It's a process to go through.

So, I would say to:

- take a chance and visit your doctor.

- use charities that help with mental health, they have helpful links, details and people to help you.

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The Doctor + The Help

It's all through willpower. If it's in there, they'll bring it out with you and your agreement. Truthfully.

I said 'yes', obviously with concerns, depression talking. And I write this blog, to you, today.

Give it a chance and always feel free to tell them anything of your concern. It's to benefit you, to make sure they're help best suits you.

It sounds daunting every time.

Feelings

I honestly can say I need help, as much as anyone who seeks it too.

I always have that problem, where I think that others need more help than myself. But it's myself that has to say, 'I need help, I have to seek it to help me'.

I'm stable at the moment. The days which are hard, are the days you have to master your own thoughts, and find your solutions.

Helpful Thoughts

There's always help, and I say that each and everyday.

If I need real big help, to the doctors I go.

If I need help now, I go online. I was recommended an NHS site - 'Big White Wall' [link]. It helps directly. 

Or you can share your thoughts, and 'like minded' people help you too.

If I need slight help and just want to chat, I use a mental health charity.

Other Note

Some may say it's 'selfish' and 'stupid' to want to kill yourself.

I found out what they meant, and I watched something that explained it. I don't remember the show, but it's a case of the 'aftermath', and what it does to others.

Apart from this, I see the mental illness part. If there's no help, then when will there be help?

There's a two way thought through saying this to people, to doing something for people.

Otherwise, I finish by saying:

- I have a mental illness

- I suffer from severe depression

- I am happy I got the help I needed

- and the help, I'm so thankful for is still allowing me to live today

Please seek 'help' if you feel there's something unusual with your emotions, or any concerns in general.

"You never know unless try".

Thank you.

Take care,

Posting V Projects

The Headache Hours

For the past days, I've been suffering from a headache. Migraine.

It lasted 3 days, but I'm OK for now.

I always joke that I should just call this blog, 'The Illness Diaries' but it wouldn't go with the things I try to do.

Anyway, I said I'll do a blog post for now when it lightens up, and I do still feel headaches but, it's manageable to do things in a way.

Apart from this, I do worry like before, if this would effect my work performance.

Seeing as past times, it always does. And for reality in a job world, it did effect me badly lasting the same 3 days. This was from the worse headache.

The Worst Headache...

Is when you you feel sick, get bedridden, and feel ultra dizzy. I guess this is why they call it severe migraine.

I have this illness.

The Lighter Headache...

This is slight dizziness, work performance can be confusing, and it takes a lot of effect to stand - unbalanced.

This is what I had for the past 3 days.

So, this is a little insight to where I've been. 

I always try to be calm, see through the hours - like today - to see whether I am able to do anything. Recovery hours. Then I use what I have that could calm me down. Even the one's I know.

The most one's that help are:

- dark room

- movies/videos (eg. YouTube)

- drawing/painting

Plus, I try to eat what I would like to try and eat.

It always feels like I'm full along with, a hot feeling temperature. But it's not true. It feels like a simulation in a way.

Therefore, the results of today, and blogging at this moment.

Take care, and for yourself in these times.

Until next time,

Posting V Projects

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P.s - Happy Easter. 

Ever heard 'My Neighbour Totoro'...? 

#Bunny