Saturday, 10 October 2015

Update: My Mentality

I'm struggling with my mentality at the moment. I don't know whether to say this or not, but it's of loneliness.

* I didn't want to express my feeling of loneliness, due to reactions. But, I guess, honest words have to surface (telling the truth, to express the true feeling).

In other words, I don't know where everyone may be, or I feel bad, because of the actions of others.

With me, I get misunderstood a lot, A LOT. I guess it's from assumptions. But I always feel like I'm in the wrong.
I don't know whether to feel sorry for it, or to express the truth of how someone/people may take it.
Anyway, in my other mind, it feels like "playground stuff" if you understand what I mean.
I'm surrounded by adults now.

I don't know whether my posts, or comments, make sense, but I try so hard. I'm always scared. Just fear from what others may think or say to me.

I am afraid.

For posting right now, I cried before this, (I'm fine, no worries). But that's the fourth time in a week.
Otherwise, all I keep saying is, "don't blame yourself".

I try.

And just like the 31 Days Of Halloween challenge, I do love it. Otherwise, underneath I'm not coping with my life at the moment.
I'm not in a bad state, I'm trying to avoid it, and I do seek help, etc, etc., but I'm at the stage whether to "delete my life" (get away from social contact, etc.), and " get away" from people who assume than support, if it makes sense.

If You're New Here, (hiii!):
To mention, I have severe depression, and I could feel myself getting "back to normal again". This is one setback, loneliness, I've not experienced greatly, but I question if it could have been avoided?

Maybe, so yes and no.

Loneliness effects my depression, like a hollow in the chest. It makes your heart feel heavy, or light, and my brain gets overwhelmed by emptiness from no one.
There could be a lot of people to go to, but I've contacted I would say, but no success. So, I seek the help I know.

I want to be honest, and say they sounded the same a little bit, like from when I was a teenager, but they're following protocols. I was in a bad state, so, yep, ask away. All I wanted to do was to contact someone, who does care, and to reply back. It helped a lot. It made me feel free (no worries, telling my problem) from the burden.

I do feel hollow, but I'm at the stage where I try to move from it. I'm finished with bad feelings that, I'm left with, when I'm not to blame.

* I've learnt this 3 times, now this is the 4th time.

I'm finished.

Thank you if you read this. Very different from my challenge, but this is me "Posting...".

Take care for now,
Posting V Projects


  1. aw gurl, dont ever blame yourself! you know where I am if you want to talk, just give me a wee message and I'll sure reply! :)
    have a good day, you'll be okay I promise x
    ~ basicallychloe x
    Don't forget to smile! :) ~ x

    1. Thank you so much for your mesg, and understanding. Plus your support is always awesome, and yourself. Coolios. But thank you for reading, and thanks for everything. May you take care, and yep, okies :)

  2. A few years ago I also felt like this...I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by people and I couldn't work out why. I just had to try to stay strong and distract myself from these feelings...if you ever need someone to rant to about something or spill your heart out just drop me a're not alone!

    Esmee xx

    1. That's truly insightful to hear. It is true with asking why. And that's a good tip, and good to notice (distraction) to think about it. Thank you so much, you're very kind. Take care.

  3. Aww this is so sad to read but thanks for writing this and telling us, you're so brave to share how you feel. Don't worry lovely, I always understand what you're saying and never misunderstand you. And I'm always here to talk to if you feel lonely. You're an absolutely lovely person and I hope one day you see that for yourself :) xxx

    1. Sorry that it was sad, I try to be positive, but I guess honest had to come out. But thank you so much for your mesg. Plus your support. All cheers now, hopefully to not feel bad, and thank you so much for understanding. It can be seen as "defencesive", when honesty is not seen as a way of seeing how a action can effect someone. If it makes sense, lolls. Blogging hey...? Take care for now, and thanks again