Sunday, 6 September 2015

No Shame: The University/College Drop Out...

That's me (***bails***).

** I am in no way saying, that every uni is the same. Uni is a extra learning place, where it could lead to major opportunities.
Don't feel discouraged by this post (please?).

Yes, I'm a university/college drop out (as it's called mostly).
I'm going to be honest this time, and say I left uni (UK).

I left because:

1. At the time I was grieving. I was finding it hard to learn/concentrate.

2. And the other reason, a tutors "reasoning".
Plus, I'm dyslexic so I didn't know what tutors were teaching, on paper. Gadget tutorials, helped so much.

Grieving (2010 - 2012):
In 2010, on the 4th June, my dad died of an heart attack (found out from an autopsy).

[Google Search: Sadness]

It was truly difficult to deal with at the time.

However, I wasn't grieving for myself yet, I was looking after people I knew.

The true time after, the 4th July, burial day, was when I could cool down in a way, to truly take in what happened.

That was the time when I felt confused. I was trying to be like the people I knew, and living each day, like it didn't exist, like I wasn't here to experience anything.

Then came my 'Pass'.

Before this event (dad dying), I should have said, 2009, we were setting up for a big day...our year group fashion show.

I was doing a BTEC Art + Design course, which the uni set myself on. It was so brilliant.

That year, in 2010, was the year for the fashion show. First fashion show, setting up towards the date(s)...then **clash!**...

My dad died, early in the morning. Ouch.

The person I knew, helped me and said to call the uni.

I called, nearly in tears and stumbled with what to say (not facing the facts).
It was OK, the tutor was helpful. If I could, I would go again (the same uni).

So, that done, months later, my 'Pass' came. Delighted. Also, thinking otherwise I didn't do the fashion show, but completed the work, and set up for the exhibition. Great.

I was asked from the same person who helped with the call, if I wanted to go to the new course. I 'passed', for the BA (HONS) Fashion Design course.

I was in two thoughts about it.
Although, come September, I guess, I went...

...big mistake.

I cried secretly, on induction day, from feeling loneliness and loss. I remember.

This was a hint that I shouldn't have came. But I was feeling excited then. Then that...the crying.

We got put into groups. Was fun.
Then the groups changed again, slightly good.

Then came the lessons.

As a little number, 4 tutors (3 tutors greatly), were mostly golden. 

I liked the course, no lie.

Time At Uni/College:
It was fun. The few months were exciting to experience.

Some tutors were miserable, to chatting God knows (gossip), and that was not bothering for me.
But it wasn't the time and place to do that.

A helpful hint that came, was to sign up for a slow learners class (didn't like how they said that, no offence).

This could have helped me, to keep up with the course, to allow more understanding.... I didn't do that.

It wasn't from pride, but from what people may have thought, back then. It was truly difficult to not be yourself, with all these ideas, and so much attitudes, good and bad, all over the place.

I found it confusing.

In my mind, they always say, to do the projects, for your own self, like learn it to do it, for yourself.

I just found out, I was dyslexic from that year, I guess (2010).

Next Hint:
So, came a week. Worked hard, took a week off. Wasn't suppose to. But the before course I did (BTEC), did do that. So, fair enough if not.

* for my mind, it sometimes gets exhausted easily, if overworked. Lesson 1.

Tutor Problems:
They can talk to you, like "you're a dog" sometimes. Totally not good, I know.

At the time, I felt I was beneath them, and started to think, "what is going on here", "is this how their going to "act" all year?". Yep, they truly never let go.

However, they do teach greatly.

Why I Left (Pushing Point):
** (arm is getting tired...all words!! lolls.)

A day came.

My year tutor said, if we needed help, to always ask the tutor(s).

I came in, on my 'day off' (no lessons).
We had a new project to do. But I was having trouble, understanding it.

This is where, I may get in trouble.

I knocked on the tutors staff room, I guess it looked like, it was lunch time, lesson 2.

My year tutor came, we sat in a room, quiet (to personal talk with myself), and looked at the project.

Although it wasn't my year tutor's project, they went to go, and see the tutor, who assigned the project.

They came back, and said, the tutor doesn't want to come talk to you....
I was awestruck.

They explained to me, that the tutor didn't care if I don't understand it, it's my own fault.

My mind was thinking, "OK, there was no point of me coming here (that day)".

So, another tutor came, wanting for myself to find a class, which I could join in the mean time. Their class (year tutor) was about to come, after their lunch.

And my year tutor said, what the tutor, the one that assigned the project, to them.

They both looked at each other.

I got the sense that, they didn't like what the assigned tutor said. Their faces could say so much.

The one, that the year tutor asked, said to me if I'd like to join in their class, to do what their doing.

Before, I told my year tutor, that I came in and I didn't have any lessons. So from asking this, no wasted journey. Right...?

Wrong! It was wasted for myself already.

I joined their class, it was so simple, nice simple. With a few bad chats, and looks from others I may add. (Long gone from primary, and secondary school with that one, ignore them).

Then came lunch time.

The class tutor, the one I was in, asked me whether, I'd like to stay for the next half, or leave.

They also said, if it's anything, there wouldn't be any point in staying, due to what's being taught, isn't the same as the one I should be learning now. They would leave too.

Is that not a hint?

I questioned this. I truly wanted to stay, but in my mind, with what just went on, I told her that I'll just go, but thank you for helping me. I don't regret it.

I didn't want more problems to deal with, with the problem that was much greater...grieving.

I didn't want, to allow my sadness to get deeper. No one asking, if you're "OK", than a feeling that is seen...migraines, working, to nearly being sick in class.

I never went back, to this day.

They have a new facility now. Will it change, some of their attitudes? 
To say their adults, who should see you through the course, felt discriminative to myself, to not leaving their own problems at home.

If they can't make it as designers, then they should take an example, from a tutor who is starting up their own designs. I admire that.

It shouldn't stop you, from what you'd like to achieve. Re-phrase.
It shouldn't stop you, from accomplishing, something you'd like to achieve.
One for two.

And that, is one of the things that keeps myself grounded (down-to-Earth, mindful of others, etc). Wanting to see the benefits of uni. Them 3 - 4 tutors' attitude, are the best I would want from a uni.

Also, at the time I was going counselling, trying to better my mood from grieving, and learning.

Other than that, the situation does make me angry from time-to-time. But before writing this, I had to calm myself down, which I did. Any boil ups, I stopped, and write again.

Otherwise, it truly doesn't stop what I would like to do today.

I know I am OK, I'm truly happy than before. Question is, would I go back again? Yes. Defiantly.

I honestly wanted to get to the second year. That time, is when you go into an actual work place. So as a work experience.

Final year, is your own project YOU made. And being a fashion course, you get to do a fashion show (which is your own creation, clothing.
Extend with a collab if you'd like, with other students, even from the first year of the course), and that's it.

What's next fashionistas (+ others)...?!


May this post not discourage you. 
This is like a "story", from writing.

Before anything, I've heard of compensation, but I always ask, "what for?". They're people. I'm a person. All, if they could do, is change.

Besides that, there's many times I could have got compensation, but I still ask, "what for?".

Money like that (oh, adult talk), is not my life, but it's just there for us to fondle over.
Peoples' good intentions, are much greater appreciated.

Thank you if you read this.
I left it how it is, so I could look back and say, I did it. Now here I am.

If I ever want to look back for a read, or to see the benefits I have now, this shall be the post I look forward to reading.

Enjoy if you've experienced, or going, or thinking of going to uni.

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