Lifestyle: THE WAY I AM...?

Image 1: Clothing: http://www.peacocks.co.uk/lds-sleeveless-stripe-border-f2c23c.html, Peacocks (Online)/SIMS 4: Game Ideas/Avatar: FaceQ/Paint/Sporty Collage (Made/Owl - NOT MY IMAGE)


I didn't really know what to say right now, but I have free time. Great that it's a Saturday.


This day, news doesn't come on at 1pm. I get to do whatever - I honestly would be doing work right now, you know, drawing. But that's only half of the day. So looking back, I blogged near the end of March, and now we're near the end of April.


I'm not surprised it's taken this long to blog again. I haven't been well.





My depression - let's start...I'm disappointed in anyone who fakes any condition -, is the prime example, of days without blogging.



My brain is not in a "good enough state" right now, but I know saying things, is the only way I can do right now. (I am seeking help).


For these past weeks, I've just been nowhere, ill and trying to support myself. I always would like something good to say in my posts, but from reading blogs, and just focusing on things that make me happy, has been helpful.


Sometimes things don't have to be said, to show what a person may be going through, or may not even have an issue.


Right now, my Twitter feed (twitter.com/pukka01) is cramped with YouTube feeds. That's most what I do. Although, the other little part is creating outfits, searching on Bing.com, and looking at artworks' on deviantart.com.



I don't know, it's what makes me relax my mind I guess.





I watched Maze Runner - reading near the start still, - I'm freaked out. And I'm over The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2. If I knew these would be freaky, I would have never watched them. I'm sorry. The books are freaky too (good descriptions).
I haven't slept good since two days a go. But that's 3weeks since.


I'm sorry. But, yes everyday I'm tired. It puts a lot of trouble, that I've only done one design since last week, out of other things I wanted to do. Ex. I recorded a video...last month I guess. (date on video?)


Oh, what I'm into right now is...I forgot what it was. But last time I designed, it was a wedding dress, but obviously with a twist. I'm getting back into "weird-ish" designs. I actually wanted to be a Costume Designer.


I hate this "writing" already. I was going to do a facts kind of thing. But I guess I forgot.


Take care, xImmortalMindsx






P.S. - I'm listening to Classic FM.
I've been listening to it mostly this month. While reading blogs, looking at artwork and searching reference for whatever I'm trying to do. Ha.

Lifestyle or Health: ON HOLD

I wanted to do a blog post today, of the things that I suffered from, to being diagnosed with depression.

I was on the road, happy to come back to be able to continue doing my notes, but the same feeling of being overwhelmed, came back again (began late 2015, this feeling).

It happens when I feel that, something I couldn't control, just found hard to deal with, or talk about, was just another thing that would take time.

It happened again today.

As the hours ticked on, I still feel  overwhelmed. I feel fine, but thinking about it, makes my stomach and head, get into a stubborn, hurtful state. I get really fidgety a lot. So, I stopped.

I'm saying this, because earlier, I REALLY wanted to blog about it (depression). But I wanted to blog, so I blogged this.
I always said, if I'm unable to blog, I would say it on my blog, and just discover why, in a way.

It's troublesome all the time.

I honestly wish I had something(s) positive to say today, but all I can think of is...
"how nasty the air was today".
I guess there was building works, going on in the distance, as I realised. But I just couldn't breath normally, so I did my "inner cocoon" look.

[Scarf over the mouth. Head down. And stay cosy in the jacket].

Actually Thinking:

- WHAT I LEARNT TODAY,

"take time to discover".
Mine was: Feelings, work and art techniques

That's all for now. Take care, and I want to break this barrier. It's annoying.

 **imagining, angst hands, shaking in the air**

Bies,
xImmortalMindsx

Lifestyle: When Depression Takes Over....

When Depression Takes Over....
Vid link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iK66QtGg2wo

If you may, or may not have seen, I shared a vid in drawings, of how I feel when I get through a depressive state.

- For advice, PLEASE seek a doctor/health profession, if you feel something is wrong with you. They can really help.

I know in different counties, health professions are different. You can report, and do all you can, so they don't effect others also. You don't have to settle for bad actions.

Anyway, through the heavy moment.
For the past months I've been battling my depression. It makes me not want to do anything, and just overwhelms me to the point I don't move.

I am feeling stress at the moment, but it's not my fault. This is being caused by others.

So, for now I'm trying to settle with what I love, and what I found grateful to do. Like yesterday, for example I just watched what I could. When I realised, it calmed me down enough to relaxation.

To the video (linked above + below), it started with being in a "dark room" in a way. "Burst of life" of being free from the feeling. And  "feeling good". For me, I imagine a lot of things too, such as for my artwork. That one (from the drawing) is "thinking/being in a daydream", to say so.

May you feel free to share your thoughts, or if you saw the vid.


FOR VID IDEAS: https://www.flickr.com/photos/neeky_b/24817251695/in/photostream/


I do have few ideas for other vids. But for right now, I won't push it beyond where I'm not comfortable.

I have seeked help in the past, so I'm able to share that with you today. However, if any case I feel myself going back to a "dark place state", I do try to write it down nowadays. This is so I can tell whoever is looking after me (doctor/counsellor, etc.), to allow them to know how I am feeling.

It does take work. However, in any case they're there to help YOU. Don't you ever feel afraid, or feel like you'll waste their time.
I felt that. But true ones (I know,  not there for the money) hear you so dearly,...even when you don't talk.

Never give up, or cave into saying, "they won't help me". They're meant to help us. And you're in control, of whatever they want to help you with.

Other than this, I hope this gives an insight to my video. Plus, the title can be daunting, but I can't hide my feeling right now.

Take care,
xImmortalMindsx

VID LINK: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iK66QtGg2wo

The Cause Of My Depression

I've been holding off this post today, because it's a very personal subject for me to chat about.

The professionals of mental health helped me through the difficult times, that I couldn't mention to anyone.

[Image Link]

Story

So, within 2013 (I guess that's when it started) I wasn't feeling all too 'happy'.

Things that ran through my mind were:

1. I'm unemployed

2. I'm a burden to people I know

3. I keep doing my (personal) work, and it's not 'going anywhere'

And so on.

I thought about them everyday, every week to every month. It kept running over, and over in my head.

It got too much where, I planned to kill myself, 3 months before my birthday...a wonder, right?

I just felt worthless and my health was getting to me at the time too, because I couldn't do the work that I wanted to do. I saw everything at its worse.

I cried every night.

Realisation

Realising I was crying every  night, made me worry and I questioned, 'is this normal?'.

I've had sadness, but not THAT great sadness. I couldn't take the (amount of) crying anymore.

So, I found the little courage I had left to try to go to the doctors.

Before going there, I always thought:

1. I'd be a problem to be helped

2. I didn't know the extent of (severe) depression to be classed as a mental illness.

3. I remembered a documentary on BBC3 [link] and where a young person said this GP, didn't know anything about mental health.

I feared this.

However, I went, and explained my problem, it turns out they knew A LOT about it.

I was thankful.

There was questions, and after phone calls, visits to different places and counselling. Thankfully around my area.

Thankful again, I'm still here, doing a blog I'm getting into. Also, I've opened up to people more, which I'm super glad about.

It's a process to go through.

So, I would say to:

- take a chance and visit your doctor.

- use charities that help with mental health, they have helpful links, details and people to help you.

[Image Link]

The Doctor + The Help

It's all through willpower. If it's in there, they'll bring it out with you and your agreement. Truthfully.

I said 'yes', obviously with concerns, depression talking. And I write this blog, to you, today.

Give it a chance and always feel free to tell them anything of your concern. It's to benefit you, to make sure they're help best suits you.

It sounds daunting every time.

Feelings

I honestly can say I need help, as much as anyone who seeks it too.

I always have that problem, where I think that others need more help than myself. But it's myself that has to say, 'I need help, I have to seek it to help me'.

I'm stable at the moment. The days which are hard, are the days you have to master your own thoughts, and find your solutions.

Helpful Thoughts

There's always help, and I say that each and everyday.

If I need real big help, to the doctors I go.

If I need help now, I go online. I was recommended an NHS site - 'Big White Wall' [link]. It helps directly. 

Or you can share your thoughts, and 'like minded' people help you too.

If I need slight help and just want to chat, I use a mental health charity.

Other Note

Some may say it's 'selfish' and 'stupid' to want to kill yourself.

I found out what they meant, and I watched something that explained it. I don't remember the show, but it's a case of the 'aftermath', and what it does to others.

Apart from this, I see the mental illness part. If there's no help, then when will there be help?

There's a two way thought through saying this to people, to doing something for people.

Otherwise, I finish by saying:

- I have a mental illness

- I suffer from severe depression

- I am happy I got the help I needed

- and the help, I'm so thankful for is still allowing me to live today

Please seek 'help' if you feel there's something unusual with your emotions, or any concerns in general.

"You never know unless try".

Thank you.

Take care,

Posting V Projects