The Cause Of My Depression

I've been holding off this post today, because it's a very personal subject for me to chat about.

The professionals of mental health helped me through the difficult times, that I couldn't mention to anyone.

[Image Link]

Story

So, within 2013 (I guess that's when it started) I wasn't feeling all too 'happy'.

Things that ran through my mind were:

1. I'm unemployed

2. I'm a burden to people I know

3. I keep doing my (personal) work, and it's not 'going anywhere'

And so on.

I thought about them everyday, every week to every month. It kept running over, and over in my head.

It got too much where, I planned to kill myself, 3 months before my birthday...a wonder, right?

I just felt worthless and my health was getting to me at the time too, because I couldn't do the work that I wanted to do. I saw everything at its worse.

I cried every night.

Realisation

Realising I was crying every  night, made me worry and I questioned, 'is this normal?'.

I've had sadness, but not THAT great sadness. I couldn't take the (amount of) crying anymore.

So, I found the little courage I had left to try to go to the doctors.

Before going there, I always thought:

1. I'd be a problem to be helped

2. I didn't know the extent of (severe) depression to be classed as a mental illness.

3. I remembered a documentary on BBC3 [link] and where a young person said this GP, didn't know anything about mental health.

I feared this.

However, I went, and explained my problem, it turns out they knew A LOT about it.

I was thankful.

There was questions, and after phone calls, visits to different places and counselling. Thankfully around my area.

Thankful again, I'm still here, doing a blog I'm getting into. Also, I've opened up to people more, which I'm super glad about.

It's a process to go through.

So, I would say to:

- take a chance and visit your doctor.

- use charities that help with mental health, they have helpful links, details and people to help you.

[Image Link]

The Doctor + The Help

It's all through willpower. If it's in there, they'll bring it out with you and your agreement. Truthfully.

I said 'yes', obviously with concerns, depression talking. And I write this blog, to you, today.

Give it a chance and always feel free to tell them anything of your concern. It's to benefit you, to make sure they're help best suits you.

It sounds daunting every time.

Feelings

I honestly can say I need help, as much as anyone who seeks it too.

I always have that problem, where I think that others need more help than myself. But it's myself that has to say, 'I need help, I have to seek it to help me'.

I'm stable at the moment. The days which are hard, are the days you have to master your own thoughts, and find your solutions.

Helpful Thoughts

There's always help, and I say that each and everyday.

If I need real big help, to the doctors I go.

If I need help now, I go online. I was recommended an NHS site - 'Big White Wall' [link]. It helps directly. 

Or you can share your thoughts, and 'like minded' people help you too.

If I need slight help and just want to chat, I use a mental health charity.

Other Note

Some may say it's 'selfish' and 'stupid' to want to kill yourself.

I found out what they meant, and I watched something that explained it. I don't remember the show, but it's a case of the 'aftermath', and what it does to others.

Apart from this, I see the mental illness part. If there's no help, then when will there be help?

There's a two way thought through saying this to people, to doing something for people.

Otherwise, I finish by saying:

- I have a mental illness

- I suffer from severe depression

- I am happy I got the help I needed

- and the help, I'm so thankful for is still allowing me to live today

Please seek 'help' if you feel there's something unusual with your emotions, or any concerns in general.

"You never know unless try".

Thank you.

Take care,

Posting V Projects

The Homeless Art

A few days ago, I noticed there were two homeless guys drawing.

What they were drawing, was really good. They drew with pencil, they had crumpled paper, and a plastic file thing (don't know the name) folders.
They looked so good.

I noticed they drew 'Monster High', a dragon tattoo style and some others.

To include, there was another homeless guy and girl (I don't know whether she was), but they had their cup of tea (shop one's) and sat and talked.
Plus, there was another guy, he's either sad, or looked suspicious. No assumption.

All this got me thinking:
1. If they could get to a library
2. If they had a place to sell as prints

I guess it may help them.

However, the more I thought I questioned, do they know they could get arrested?
Do the know there's things that could help them?

In the UK, the Homeless could get arrested. This is due to people complaining, the homeless bring down the cities look.

I understand this.
Although, if the city keeps developing, then who's helping the homeless?

[Image Link]

If anything:
1. There's some good and bad homeless people
2. The homeless needs to know there is support for them

If they don't know, they'll still be there.

Through all this, I'm glad I took the time to look.

So I ask you, What are your thoughts on the homeless?
What do you think if they had a shadowed talent?

(Shadow talent = showcasing or not showcasing talent)

Feel free to say.
Thank you!

Posting Vv Projects

Real-Life Vs Lifestyle

What would you like to see, real-life or lifestyle? Or maybe both?

[Image Link]

I was looking back at the most viewed, most liked and commented features and I found the real-life one's where the top one's.

Along with interactions on:

- expressing myself

- clothing I've selected

- and showcased designs

I really would love this blog to be down-to-earth, to be able say what's on my mind, do campaigns, and work along with designs.

So, I'm wondering what would you like to see?

What allows you to read a blog, and comment?

What allows you to like it?

Feel free to comment your point of view.

Now, take care.

Posting V Projects

25-12-2004

Pink + Red Union Jack - GB

-  NB2, [2014] 

A Big Thank You...

...For the viewers, commenters + followers.

I've noticed today, this blog has reach 2000+ views

...EPIC!

So, a big thank you again. And even if you 'stumbled' across my blog too. *giddy*. You're welcome.

It feels more greater from where I started, to feeling happiness.

Thank you for that feeling.

*For the commenters. 

I'm having an issue viewing some of your comments, however I thank you for leaving anything you say on my blog, where ever whenever. You help encourage me a lot, to post entries.

*For the followers...

much thank you. It can be a lot to just follow a blog, or my profile, but it's nicer when you keep updated with the things, especially from what I do. 

It's a great big deal to keep doing entries and showcasing to you.

This blog has inspired a lot of things to come out of me, and to go for it. I couldn't have been more happier with my other blogs, and this feels like an 'all-round-view' blog, to showcase everything in one place.

So, I'm saying thank you again.

And feel free to stick around for more posts later, from Living, Writing + Posting.

Take care,

Posting (Wup, Wip) Projects

Using AvatarCreator

25-12-2004

‘Swirl Flower’ 

-  NB2, [2014]

25-12-2004

‘BDBA’ Logo Types

-NB2, [2014]

MORE ARTWORK AT:

KEELO15.DEVIANTART.COM

No Idea

I had no idea what I should post about, but there are main one's. And maybe a update.

They are:

- Coping

- Poem

- Collaboration

- Help

The update is:

- The Oral Surgery

These are my ideas, but I felt they were blending in this new things, to things that may or already I said and done.

Anyway, just a short blog. I'm lost for which one to start first, although as a list you would think it would be simple. Start from one, onto two, etc.

But my mind is fuzzy on which one to start or, update on what I already want to say.

Sounds confusing.

Anyway, they'll come out (of my mind) one out of the other. I just wrote them down, but the order or what to post threw me off what to post now. So like I said, I would post what I have on my mind anyway. Reason to blog...?

[Image Link]

Take care, and feel free to share your idea or times when confusion just comes to mind.

*huff*

Posting V Projects

25-12-2004

“Boost Your Look, Queen..., Etc.” 

-NB2, [2014] 

MORE ARTWORK AT: KEELO15.DEVIANTART.COM 

Feeling Like A Child...

[Image Link]

This came to my mind today.

There are some situations, where I feel like I need to 'consult' with someone.
My days my mind doesn't feel right.

When I'm faced with something I haven't experienced before, my mind just races and thinks of so many actions, that by time, sometimes it's too late.

I've had light situations and bad situations by this. Result is 'mind blowing' sometimes. Because, let's say a lie formed (overhear) to allow a cover up.
I'm not pleased, and still to this day it feels like the answer was told, but the evidence is still 'heard'.... 

I'm a mystery, don't worry.

Plus, an example - sorry none religious believers - I was thinking of prayer time at church.
What if the Pester asks me to do a prayer...?

All that ran through my mind was:

1. Oh no, oh no, oh no...
2. Walking out the door
3. Asking someone else to say my prayer (my voice is not high, and this is where my child thing comes into place)
4. My anxiety and excuses coming out my mouth...

These are all nonsense (my thought).

However...my solution if this time ever happens...is to think of a prayer I already have.

I pray each day (when I remember truly) - I plan to do a post of believing and not believing soon - and, that's what I would do for a prayer, for everyone.

I pray for everything, and everyone. No matter how or what the things may be. Good or bad.

Learning curve.

If you're a none believer, then I don't mind. Anyone who's good or bad, I don't mind. It's how we see and act with people, whether we have a religion or not.
I don't mind.

I'm not a judge, and it's not my place to. So, I leave it (when my mouth doesn't run miles per hour - MY MOUTH is terrible with stories, I try to stop, but it keeps going

- like this).

Anyway, take care viewers and readers. Feel free to place your opinions and thoughts.

I really like to read them. It allows me to learn too.

Posting : Projects
Out

P.s - later there is another installment of Living, Writing + Posting. A little heads up. Take care once more.

25-12-2004

‘BDBA’ Designs, Wording 2 

-NB2, [2014] 

MORE ARTWORK AT: KEELO15.DEVIANTART.COM

Along With Designing...

*some of the images and text are linked to other web pages. Feel free to view.

I love creating graphics.

Just like some of the background and some images you may have seen, I styled them.

It's creative, it's fun and it's different. Many ways to make something. Many ways to add a little to my work.

Although I'm not a professional at it, I love doing it.

When I first did it at school, for IT (Information Technology, or ICT - Information Computing Technology - so...much...terms), I loved playing with it. And when it came to personal projects, I would go excited and just do what ever (along with the topic).

Anyway, that's a little thing on the side. However, career wise still aiming towards (now direction set), to become a fashion illustrator.

I'm going to be honest, I'm not good at sewing and I'm never good at pattern cutting. It's difficult, and I've never been so frustrated about doing something like that in my whole life...let alone life matters. Another story.

So, I leave you with this blog and another love. Here to say, feel free to view my gallery on:

keelo15.deviantart.com.

I may have more graphics, than my designs, but I found it easier to showcase graphics (media set) to showcasing my designs. *hummm*.

Anyway, take care.

Posting : Projects

PS. Later on, there shall be another instalment of Living, Writing + Posting. May you feel free to view.

Feel free to stay updated on:

Google+

Twitter

The Headache Hours

For the past days, I've been suffering from a headache. Migraine.

It lasted 3 days, but I'm OK for now.

I always joke that I should just call this blog, 'The Illness Diaries' but it wouldn't go with the things I try to do.

Anyway, I said I'll do a blog post for now when it lightens up, and I do still feel headaches but, it's manageable to do things in a way.

Apart from this, I do worry like before, if this would effect my work performance.

Seeing as past times, it always does. And for reality in a job world, it did effect me badly lasting the same 3 days. This was from the worse headache.

The Worst Headache...

Is when you you feel sick, get bedridden, and feel ultra dizzy. I guess this is why they call it severe migraine.

I have this illness.

The Lighter Headache...

This is slight dizziness, work performance can be confusing, and it takes a lot of effect to stand - unbalanced.

This is what I had for the past 3 days.

So, this is a little insight to where I've been. 

I always try to be calm, see through the hours - like today - to see whether I am able to do anything. Recovery hours. Then I use what I have that could calm me down. Even the one's I know.

The most one's that help are:

- dark room

- movies/videos (eg. YouTube)

- drawing/painting

Plus, I try to eat what I would like to try and eat.

It always feels like I'm full along with, a hot feeling temperature. But it's not true. It feels like a simulation in a way.

Therefore, the results of today, and blogging at this moment.

Take care, and for yourself in these times.

Until next time,

Posting V Projects

Using AvatarCreator

P.s - Happy Easter. 

Ever heard 'My Neighbour Totoro'...? 

#Bunny

25-12-2004

‘BDBA’ Designs, Wording 1

-NB2, [2014]

MORE ARTWORK AT: KEELO15.DEVIANTART.COM

[Titled]

Started: (16/03/2015)

I love music, but not just any music. My playlist consist of movie ost (original soundtrack), ad music + program music.

This is one of my loves, because it can be different from music today.

Also, I'm into free music on YouTube, music on SoundCloud and music I hear, maybe from restaurants and shops.

It may sound weird, but I love music to discover different type of sounds.

Myspace used to help a lot - (it's not working well when I try to view it) - , by discovering new artists to creating your own music list (playlist).

So, this is an insight to my music loves.

[Image Link]

Hope you discover yours too.

Take care viewers and readers,

Posting V Projects

P.s - later on, there's another instalment of Living, Writing + Posting. Feel free to follow this blog for updates, and other sites. Thank you.

25-12-2004

“bda = big designs with big attitude”

 -NB2, [2014] 

MORE ARTWORK AT:

 KEELO15.DEVIANTART.COM

For This Month...

Living, Writing + Posting.

Last month was designing, which I didn't say because I was thinking a way to show them. I found the solution, but putting it into action failed.

When there's things you feel like doing, it has to flow into action.

Anyway, this month is going to Living, Writing + Posting. For anyone who knows this, to people who may not know, it is diary entries. From books from Primary School to now.

Example:

Living, Writing + Posting Blog

[Link]

It shall be later on, on this day 1st April. So, feel free to come back or follow this blog, google plus or twitter to keep updated.

I hope you will love this continuation. And I'll be sure to return to showcasing designs. 

Hopefully a hint for next month, is promotions.

For a heads up, a next-gen artist I'll be showcasing next month for my blog.

Their name is NCB17.

Links:

Youtube

Mixcloud

Soundcloud

Keep updated to them by:

Twitter

Hope you enjoy, and I shall get back into blogging as much as I am possibly available.

Thank you for reading or viewing.

Take care.

Posting V Projects